


Embracing Darkness

by judelaw



Category: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword (2017)
Genre: (Or murder I guess), Angst, Pain, Suicide, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judelaw/pseuds/judelaw
Summary: AU in which Vortigern won in the end - or perhaps he didn't.





	Embracing Darkness

Darkness slowly surrounded the castle as the sun - quietly but in a huge spectacle of red and violet - set to rest for the upcoming and unstoppable night. The night was quick to suck the castle in, just as it did with his heart. A painful silence echoed through Camelot, a sound he had always found peaceful and relaxing, but now was nothing but a grim reminder of what he's done. Of whom he became. Vortigern always felt this empty but the nights were the worst as they had no duties a king had to fulfill to distract him from the disgusting reflection of his face his new sword showed him. Like a mirror always reminding him of what he has sacrificed.

Even as a child he always dreamt of becoming the king - not his brother, who did not deserve the position simply because he happened to be born a few years earlier than him. He always saw himself as the ideal candidate, as the true king England deserved and needed. His entire life he spent looking for ways to surpass Uther, to change his fate. And then he did. It was a painful and hard way but he was willing to sacrifice anything to finally get the power he longed for. The Vox Populi hated him, probably even feared him, but he was the king. That was all that mattered.

This empty feeling started back then, he no longer had his beautiful, loving wife next to him. Who had always supported him, as a matter of fact had been the only one who always did so. Perhaps this burning feeling of guilt would have been manageable, perhaps the emptiness could have been filled with this new powerful feeling, this new sensation of standing in front of a crowd, knowing very well they will do as he wishes. But every time his daughter stand in front of him, crying over the loss of his mother, the power suddenly became meaningless.

He reminded himself that he did all that for her, as well, that she would have a better life as the child of the king - and not just the king's brother. He tried everything to make her happy, to buy her as many exotic birds he could find, always tried making her laugh, even if he gained nothing but a little, faint smile – if anything at all - and told her daily how much he loved her. But she never fully recovered from the traumatic loss he caused. And he didn't either.

He swore himself to not cause her anymore pain, he was never particular strict with her, never raised his voice around her, but in the end all his efforts became meaninglesswhen his power was threatened.  
Vortigern couldn't risk losing it, to make his sacrifice become worthless in the end. Countless nights, just like this one, he spent finding a solution, a cure. But there was no other way.

It was even more devastating this time. Killing his daughter, his little sweet girl, whose laugh he hasn't heard in years, was the most painful thing he ever had to endure. Almost like the dagger pierced his heart, not her. Screaming and sobbing out of vain, looking at the dead body in his arms, telling her how sorry he is. About everything.

The crown was worth all this. It was worth all the pain he caused and worth all the pain he had to go through. It was all worth it.   
  
Except it wasn't.

He looked at Excalibur and the crown one last time. Both tokens of his power - and of his vileness. Objects he thought he'd always be proud to own but now he wished they would just disappear. Mockingly they looked at him, laughing at his misery, at his pain. And he knew he deserved it as he pushed both of them over the railing of the bridge that lead to the castle, his castle, whose greatness never seemed great enough for him - and now felt too small and overwhelming. Vortigern didn't wait for them to hit the water's surface and instead continued walking until he reached his destination.  
  
A place he promised himself never to visit again, a place he promised himself twice to never visit again. And now he broke that promise once more.

Once more he stepped through the heavily iron door, that gave a hint of what it may keep locked away from the rest of the castle. Once more he walked down the never-ending staircase. Once more he ended up in front of a dark lake whose water seemed thick, almost like oil. Once more he dared to ring the bell.

As the dull sound echoed through the cave and every inch of his body, he looked at the water which welcomed him with his reflection, a disgusting but fitting view. They both did well hiding the terror behind them. He kept looking, almost as if he tried to find something in his face, a little part of what's left of the person he once was.

The water slowly parted and reveled a hideous creature, whose ugliness was only to be topped by his reflection, and whose tentacles unfolded themselves in front of him. The creature was followed by two pretty, almost ladylike figures that always tried to seduce him, to make him give in and follow them into the sea and Vortigern almost did so every time. His heart could easily withstand the temptation of the sirens, has it always and will always, belong to his beloved wife, but his mind wanted to follow. Be one with the sea. Be done.

He stepped forward, confident but also helpless, hopeless almost. His voice, firm and demanding, echoed through the nerve-wracking cave. A sound that felt strange and foreign, as if it didn't belong here. Yet it did.

_“Give them back.”_

The reply was a short silence and a slowly revealing evil grin that broke into a mocking laughter. A laughter similar to the sword's.

_“We had a deal, pretty king.”_

_“I break the deal”_ , he stood his ground, insisting. _“Take the power back. Give me my family.”_

_“A deal is a deal, **milord**.”_

The emphasis lay on the address, cruelly reminding Vortigern of who, and what, he has become.

_“Give them back!”_ the demanding tone gave place for a pleading one as he stepped forward.

_“You are the king. That’s what you always wanted.”_ the creature's long tentacles slowly crawled towards him. A sight that didn’t go by unnoticed. Vortigern automatically took a step back, telling himself to not give in. Not yet.

_"Give me my family, please, I’m begging you, at least Cati-”_ , his voice broke, unable to finish the sentence, unable to say his daughter's name out loud. Again he moved forward, as far as he could before he would fall into the water. The small waves splashed against his boots, whispers telling him to come closer, just a little bit, but he withstand.

_“Pretty naive, king. Why would they even take you back?”_

It hit him hard. Not as hard as expected by the creature, because he kept asking himself that very question every night, but it was painful nonetheless. Because he knew they wouldn't. And even if they did, he wouldn't deserve it. Vortigern once felt so deserving of power, of the throne, but now he only felt undeserving of being alive, at least as long as they were dead. They died for him, died because of him, died through him. He didn't deserve them back yet he couldn't help it.

_“Please, I want my family.”_

The two sirens parted from the creature and quietly surrounded him, playfully touching his legs, making him take a step back again.

**_“But we don’t want you.”_ **

One of siren's face had turned into the familiar, loved face of his dead wife, as beautiful and as warm as he remembered her. The other one had turned into his daughter, aged around eight, looking adoringly at her father.

Vortigern fell to his knees. He broke into sobs, almost falling over due to the pain in his stomach. Tears streamed down his face and before he managed to articulate how sorry he is for everything, the wife-like siren screamed, blood streaming down her face. The darkness of the water surrounded her as she slowly sunk into the lake, further away from him.

He almost went after her, a last desperate attend to save her but he didn't. He had a daughter to take care of. He couldn’t give in. Not yet.

Calmly yet afraid he turned to face the other siren, fearing he will have to see her like this as well, but the child’s face remained the same, only that now tears streamed down her face. A view that was almost worse than what he had to see before.

Still on his knees he crawled over to her, begging for her forgiveness, telling her how much he loves her, how much he loves her mother. Vortigern reached out to her, wanting nothing more than to hug her. To hug her one last time.

**_“Where is mama?”_ **

He held on mid-movement, reminded of this fateful night when his life turned into hell. When _he_ turned his life into hell - and dragged his daughter down with him. For a moment he just sat there, unable to say a word, just looking at his daughter's face.

Then he slowly replied _"She was killed.”_ And it pained him to say that, almost as if he just now realized what he has done. That his wife was gone forever. The creature carefully watched the scenario. Its tentacles firmly wrapped themselves around him but he didn’t care. It was the first embrace he felt in a long time.

His daughter cried even more, asking her father who could have done such a thing.

_“A monster”_ , he answered truthfully, just like he did that night but this time he decided to tell her the whole truth.

_“Me.”_

The siren slowly vanished, or perhaps he just couldn't see her anymore, everything became blurry - the stairs, the bell, everything was out of focus. It took him a while to realize it wasn't his tears that blocked his view but the water of the lake he got slowly pulled in by the tentacles.

And for the first time in years he felt relieved as he finally gave in.


End file.
